Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
