I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
