direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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