looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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