i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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