worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
