oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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