I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
