she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
