Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
