I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
