he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
