omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
