Got a toothbrush?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
