So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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