You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
