What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
