i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
