listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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