The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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