i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
