Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i'm inner monologue high
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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