new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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