I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just had sex bonerless
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
