We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
