I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
