hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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