he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
