Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
