Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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