Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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