I need help removing her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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