if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we're making bets on your personal life
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
