I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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