8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have aggressive nipples.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
