How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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