Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
