Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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