i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sober January is a disaster.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
