He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
