the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
