just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
