I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
