My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
