i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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