He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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