If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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