So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
