That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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