Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
